Years ago, my wife bought me a thoughtful birthday present: the book Baby Steps by famed psychiatrist Dr. Leo Marvin.
Baby Steps is an imaginary self-help book from the movie What About Bob?
While the irony of the film is Dr. Marvin’s inability to manage his own mental health as his patient Bob pushes boundaries, the title of the book itself is insightful. Recovery usually does happen in small, steady steps.
(My copy of Baby Steps, sadly, is just a replica cover wrapped around a notebook [1].)
In the midst of depression, tiny goals are especially important. But tiny usually isn’t small enough; “so small that you can’t not do it” is the mantra I often use with my patients.
I can’t stress this principle enough. The goals we set when we build an antidepressant life are not meant to be ambitious. They are meant to strengthen our foundation.
We start small because depression can feel like constant failure. Setting an unlikely goal may cause you to lose hope. Worse, you may start to blame yourself completely for your situation—which is never fair. You need tiny wins on the road to success.
What does “so small that you can’t not do it” actually look like?
For someone who’s trying to build connection, it might start with a single phone call. Or a short text. Or even just writing down the name of someone you could contact. Tiny wins are still wins.
For someone who’s trying to build strength, it might mean a single pushup. If that’s too much, it might mean putting your hands and knees on the floor where you might do a pushup. It might even mean clearing a small space on the floor. We can go smaller if that is still too much.
These steps may seem rudimentary. And if you’ve never experienced or witnessed severe depression, you might not get it. But they’re a reminder that no matter where you start when building an antidepressant life, you’re still starting. So go slow, build consistency, and don’t be afraid to stack the odds of success in your favor.
Remember, you never have to do this alone. There are many roads to recovery, and the path that works for you is the only one that matters.
Footnotes
[1] Disney executives: I’ve always wanted to co-write the real version of Baby Steps. Call me.